Again I've caught myself trying to will something to happen just by praying for it. Hoping that if I pray hard enough and often enough that the Lord will have no choice but to grant me what I think is best for myself. I'm such a silly girl. If this was how it worked my life would be so different right now. Just think of all the things you've prayed for that the answer was no and how different life would be if yes were the answer to all our prayers (especially our prayers in high school. yikes.) Let's see. I would've been popular in high school, had all the solos in choir, would've won every competition, would look like a supermodel which includes being about 6 inches taller, would've gotten every guy, ESPECIALLY the skateboarding ones...
I would've missed out on a lot of growing moments. Of course if all the answers were yes I would've never been disappointed which means I wouldn't have walked home alone from Dallas Johnson's Halloween Party. That night I walked home alone praying to know that someone loved me and realized how much my Father in Heaven loves me. My testimony grew so much that night. I wouldn't have had the great friends I had and I would have missed out on all the fun we had. If I'd gotten every guy I would've probably not have gone on my mission and I loved my mission. Biggest thing of all, I probably would've missed out on marrying Zach. He's the biggest blessing I have in my life. How tragic!
I should allow myself to have faith. Of course it's okay (and encouraged) for us to ask for the blessings we think we need. It's probably not okay to throw the equivalent of an adult temper tantrum begging each and every day to give me what I want now because I'm asking. It's no wonder I feel like I've been getting a "No. Because I said so." feeling from Heavenly Father. I started to imagine what it must be like to be on the receiving end of my prayers as of late. I would have lost patience for myself a long time ago. "Jen! Enough already! I hear you! I understand what you're asking for!" Aren't we all lucky for the infinite patience of the Lord.
I need to have the kind of faith that will let me stop asking. I will have the kind of faith that will allow me to start praying for understanding. Really that will help me more than anything else in the long run. I need to understand His plan for me, for our family. I need to pray to know the things that I should do each day, what His will is for me, that will bring me to be wherever it is He needs me to be so that I'm ready for whatever it is He needs me to do.
I'm just so stubborn! I'm just so thankful we are allowed to grow.
Do you ever do this?
5 comments:
I totally do this. In my experience it's only when I truly put all of my trust in the lord and stop thinking that I know best about the situation that I am finally blessed. Patience and lack of control are very hard for me and that makes having faith a little hard. Glad to know I'm not the only one!
All of the time!
You are rad Jen.
Well written. I'm exactly like that. I recently had a similar experience where I was ready for my answer and turns out the answer wasn't what I wanted. I was so mad/sad/discouraged/frustrated/etc! Then I realized/remembered that He answers in a way that is best for us. That's the harder part...accepting His time-table and knowing it's for our best interest. That's when we grow. Hang in there and know that you certainly aren't alone!
You are so cool to put these thoughts up on your blog. You are the real deal, girlfriend! I was cracking up when you wrote how funny it would be if we got what we wanted in high school. Oh, man. I'm so glad that Heavenly Father is patient with us. He knows what we need, but sometimes we are so fixated on what we think we need, that we can't hear him. Man, once I prayed for something so hard that I got it. I was not taking no for an answer--I think He allowed me to have this thing so I could learn some lessons, and boy did it work! Whatever it is that you are wanting, I know that Heavenly Father is aware of your every thought, need, ache, and plea. He loves you! I love you!
Yeah, heaven help us if we got what we prayed for in high school. I for sure know what you are talking about. It's hard to find that line between praying for what you think is best and still leaving yourself open to what Heavenly Father knows is best. I think you're fantastic!! Also hearing the name Dallas Johnson is totally weird to me... ;)
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